Poison
by SnoOza
Summary: Guess how many words it takes to kill? [oneshot]


Notes:  
Wrote this almost exactly 2 years ago and only just dug it up, so excuse the quality and the fact that it's probably hopelessly AU by now.

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**Poison**

Sasuke grit his teeth and clutched at his convulsing right hand, but the blood clogging up his throat forced his mouth open, a spray of crimson shooting from between his teeth and spattering his dirt-stained shirt. Sakura, squatting beside him and trying to hold down his arm, let out a shrill scream and immediately began wiping the fluid from his lips. Sasuke flinched at the pressure, trying to tilt his face out of her reach. Her warm hands scorched his chilled face and each touch a stinging slap.

"Turn over, Sasuke-kun!" Sakura said hysterically, having cleaned most of the blood off his face and now trying to bodily push him over. "Come on, Sasuke-kun. We have to get the blood out of your lungs."

She gave an almighty heave and Sasuke's body lifted a few inches before lurching back heavily, shockwaves of pain resonating throughout his body.

"No," he whispered hoarsely, feeling more blood dribble down his chin. He tried to shake his head but the throbbing in his brain was much too intense. He knew he didn't have much longer to live, so why bother to prolong the pain? It was not that he was afraid of suffering. As the rest of the village knew very well by now, he had more than his fair share of it, and that was even as a ninja of Konoha village. No, Uchiha Sasuke was no coward, but he was practical too (unlike a certain blond-haired ninja he could mention). After all, since he had killed Itachi, his mission in life had been accomplished and he was pretty much agreeable to anything. If life destined for him to marry and have ten children, cool, but if life wanted him to die young, so be it. And it seemed clear what path life had laid out for him.

He knew he had pretty much busted himself this time. His chakra level had been very low, yet he had insisted on doing a _chidori_. It was sheer willpower, strength cultivated from his years of training to defeat Itachi – it required a person with incredible strength of character just to fight on an equal level with him – that brought it through, but the internal injury was grievous. His lungs burned with every breath he took and he was sure his right hand was fractured all the way up the shoulder. Still, he'd managed to take down about half of the enemy. Things would be easier for Naruto and the others now.

"No…" Sakura croaked, her eyes widening. She could read the deadened resignation in Sasuke's cold black eyes, the opaque glaze that was slowly shrouding the usual sharp glint. "No, Sasuke-kun, you can't give up!" She began crying noisily, hands covering her eyes, body shaking with every erratic gasp she made.

Sasuke focussed his eyes on her, feeling a twinge of emotion awaken in his heart. It was a feeling he had tried for so many years to still, goodness knows he had tried, but still, after all these years, he could not get over that feeling; his initial feeling towards her.

_You disgust me_

He had told this to her six years ago, and now the words crowded unceremoniously back into his mind.

Oh, he _did_ like her, you couldn't work with someone for slightly more than half a decade and still hate them, she was his comrade and he would do anything in his power to protect her, but he could not accept her dogged obsession with himself. He cared for her as a team mate, but he could not love her as more. He was repulsed by her lack of dignity.

She had liked him, why? Because he was cool and hot, pun not intended. How ridiculous. How incredibly shallow and self-derisive. She had been the most intelligent student of his year, yet she couldn't see pass the physical?

She was loyal, yes, she tried to protect him, true, but did she even know what she was doing? Who she was saving? She knew _nothing_ about him. Then she'd cried for Sasuke-kun, the talented, good-looking number 1 rookie, now she was still crying for the same kid. He'd never opened up much to anyone, even after he'd killed Itachi – some wounds run far too deep – and no one really knew what he thought about anything. Most people respected that, people like Naruto would call him up to Ichiraku for a ramen or two each week, but they never pried into his life, or even more insanely, squeeze him into a mould that suited them. Which was exactly what Sakura had done. She had made him into some kind of angst hero. She didn't love him, she loved who she thought he was.

Others had long moved on. Like that girl, Ino, whom Sakura had fallen out with over him, she'd grown up and realised that Shikamaru had always been there for her. But Sakura…was it by virtue of the fact that she was in the same team as him that made her cling to her twelve-year-old naivety? She overlooked guys who were much more worthy of her than him, who actually _cared_ for her, she'd passed over Rock Lee and Naruto, just to wait for him.

She had matured a lot in her capabilities in the past years, and was an accomplished medic-nin on his team, but her mind was still as juvenile as six years before. He could never love someone who wouldn't even give themselves the basic respect to their intelligence and selves, to blindly love a person they didn't even understand.

Sasuke gasped as he felt a sudden searing constriction in his chest and clutched weakly at the blooded fabric covering his chest, more blood gurgling out of his mouth and spattering onto his clenched fist in warm, sticky blobs.

"Sasuke-kun!" Sakura's voice came out in a croak as she removed her hands to stare at him with red-rimmed, grief-stricken eyes.

Sasuke turned his face away, unable to stand the look on her face. Even through the haze of pain deadening his senses, he could still feel the guilt welling up inside him. Why didn't he love her? Why couldn't he love her? She loved him so blindly, but she loved him so much. She was willing to die for him, so why, why? No, she was willing too die for her image of him, the perfectly flawed person she thought him to be. But even so, even so…she had done so much for him. All the countless times she had protected him without thought for herself, all the tears she had shed for him, the hopeless heartache for his love.

He winced to see the pain in her face, magnified by the shimmering dampness in her soft pink eyes. He felt like a sinner; he was guilty because she loved him so much but he didn't love back, he never would. He was the reason why she couldn't move forward. She was bound to the baggage of impossible hope, he tied her down, and with his death he wondered if she would collapse completely, fall together with him.

He knew he could ease the pain. He could take away the guileless hurt that wrapped around her body like a protective aura. He could tell her the words and with his death it would set her free to begin life again.

But, how could he? How could he leave his life with such a monstrous lie? He inclined his cramping head gingerly to the right, peering through half-lidded eyes at the hazy image of Naruto taking down several enemies with his _kage bunshin no jutsu_. No one would know, no one would ever know. They would carry on their lives believing in his lie. Would he be forgiven for this lie? Could he rest in peace?

It was wrong, but…it didn't matter, did it? He'd be dead soon, he would grant Sakura the one wish she lived for, in the hope that it would renew her again. He could.

"Sakura," he whispered faintly, feeling his throat seize up with every syllable.

"Sasuke-kun?" She leaned her head closer in order to hear him.

Sasuke opened his mouth and closed it, faltering. This would be it. Once he said it, he couldn't take it back. It would crush her. A sudden fit of spasms racked his entire body, and he felt his vision turning a blurry. He would do it, as his one gift to her. This was…it.

Summoning the last of his strength, Sasuke whispered the words that Sakura had waited so long to hear before the world before him burst into a dizzying black.

* * *

"He's awake!" 

Sasuke's eyes blinked open blearily, feeling his entire body aching with every ragged breath he drew from the oxygen mask.

What the…? Sasuke thought incoherently as the faces of Naruto and Sakura swarmed over his face. He closed his eyes, trying to calm his buzzing head. This wasn't right. Why was he alive? He shouldn't be, he was supposed to be dead.

"Man, Sasuke, thank goodness. Like, _man,_ you had us totally freaked for a while," Naruto babbled. "We thought you were gone for sure. The medics were working through the night just to keep your heart pumping. Kakashi said the only reason you're alive is because of your amazingly strong will."

Sasuke blinked uncomprehendingly at him.

"Don't talk so much, Naruto," Sakura said reprovingly, but there was a wide grin on her face. "You'll give Sasuke-kun a headache."

She turned her face towards Sasuke, who noted the redness surrounding her eyes and the tired lines on her face.

"The important thing, Sasuke-kun, is that you're going to live."

Sasuke stared at her, her words resonating in his head like a broken record, a very irritating and twisted broken record. He was going to…oh no, no…

"…and I didn't get to tell you before…"

Sakura's face seemed to glow as her smile softened. "I want you to know, Sasuke-kun, that I love you too. We're going to be so happy together."

Sasuke stared at the joyous expression on her face, feeling something in his heart erode. He had told her the ultimate lie. Now he would have to live with it.

_I love you. _

**

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END**

This isn't a diatribe against Sakura (although I admit, when I was still following the Naruto fandom, I was rather dubious of the depth of her feelings for Sasuke). The idea came to me first, and the SasuSaku relationship was the only one that would conceivably fit the mould. I'd love any feedback on this whole idea of what is really love and whether 'soft pity' is truly merciful or the best option, and of course the usual comments and criticism. :)


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